Online Counseling and why you should try it…

When I moved to Colorado 10 years ago, my husband and I were still dating at the time and he was living in California. We were doing the long distance relationship thing and wanted to stay more connected than what phone calls could offer. So we decided we would use Skype as another way to stay close. We planned it so every Monday evening we would connect via Skype. The first couple  times it was a little awkward talking to him through a screen, but after that it was smooth sailing and became second nature. It was cool because I was able to see his facial expressions and it felt like I was right there with him. For me, it was what made the long distance relationship that much easier to endure. It really made a difference and felt like we didn’t skip a beat. 

I share this story with you because with online counseling you are able to build and maintain a relationship with your therapist, it is possible. 

We watch and follow people on YouTube pretty regularly. By watching their videos or live streams, it feels like we have been able to get to know them in a sense and they have built the “know, like, and trust” factor with us. People even have video meetings in the workplace all the time. In this digital age, we are able to build connections with people all across the world, so it’s no wonder people can access healthcare and therapy through this route as well.

Telehealth is increasing access to care

Think about it, with the ability to access care from anywhere you are as long as you have an internet connection. Doctors and other healthcare providers are using this service more and more. This allows the patient to share their symptoms with the doctor and get their needs met without having to leave your home, especially if you don’t feel well. 

With the option of online counseling here are some of the benefits

1. No need to drive to and from an office

2. No need to worry about childcare

3. If you have a newborn, you don’t have to pack up all the things you need to get out the door or worry about the time it takes to get yourself with the baby out of the house (we all know that it takes lots of time and preparation to get out of the house with a newborn)

4. If you don’t have a car available during the day you don’t have to worry about transportation issues.

5. If the weather is bad or there is a sick child at home, you can still have your therapy session. 

6. If you live in a rural area with limited access to services or the closest therapist is an hour + away you don’t have to be concerned with the all day planning and travel to make it to an office. 

The conveniences that online therapy offers are plentiful. I also like that research shows us, clients make just as much progress in therapy as they do with face to face in person sessions. This, along with the ability to build a good working relationship with your therapist through televideo is a huge reason why this is a great option. 

Ok, ok, what are the barriers, right?

There are a few instances when telehealth is not the best option for someone. A couple reasons are if a person is persistently mentally ill, i.e. suffering from schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder, psychosis or if they have had multiple hospitalizations for risk to self or others. 

Screening with your therapist during the first consultation or intake session will allow the therapist to determine if online therapy is a good fit or if a referral should be made. 

As I shared above, the first couple times Skyping with my husband was a little awkward and different, but I think that is to be expected because it was new to us. Meeting a therapist or new professional in any setting can bring up a little nervousness in any situation and it’s completely normal and expected. 

If you would like to learn more about the process. You can visit my web page that goes over a few more facts on telehealth: Telehealth FAQ 

You can also call me at 970-795-2100 or email me alison@hartmantherapyco.com if you would like to talk further if this is a good option for you. 

We can even schedule a 15 minute consultation by video for you to test the process. I would send you a link and when it is our scheduled time to meet, you click on link and the consultation begins. Hope to see you there!

Alison is the owner of Hartman Therapy in Colorado. She offers online counseling helping tired, overwhelmed moms, sad teens, and frustrated parents. Alison has been working with adolescents, families, and adults for the past 7 years helping to build healthy, resilient families. She specializes in perinatal mental health and teen girl depression and anxiety.

Finding a therapist that's right for you

Finding the right therapist

Whenever I ask people if they have been in therapy before and they answer yes. My follow up question is what did you think about it and did you find it helpful? A lot of times I either hear that they didn't like their therapist’s style or that they stopped going after a few sessions. The therapist never reached back out to see why they had stopped going and what changes could be made in the therapeutic relationship to help the person reach their goals and stay engaged.

This is unfortunate, if their therapist had taken the time to work collaboratively and meet the person where they are at, they may have had better outcomes. This approach is considered feedback informed treatment. Research shows that when you have a good working relationship with your therapist and find them to be a good fit the client is more likely to make progress and reach their goals.

Getting feedback on how the clients sessions are going is important to the relationship and allows the client to feel safe and speak freely when the session isn't addressing their goals, they don't like the approach, or maybe they didn't feel listened to. Checking in with the client on a regular basis is important in building a safe space.

I am sure you have heard of them before. CBT, EMDR, Gottman certified, EFT trained, and so on. These are theories the therapist is working from and determines what type of interventions they use. While yes all are important, but should not be the the determining factor in choosing your therapist. The first consideration could be do they help people with struggles like mine; relationship problems, anxiety, eating disorders, trauma, self harm etc. if your therapist provides good, quality care, using best practices, treats your struggles, and you have a good relationship with them you will make progress.

building Rapport

This is when you are building a relationship with your therapist and it can take time. You have to be able to know, like, and trust your therapist. You can't just jump right in to interventions if your therapist doesn't know you and hasn't figured out what approach is going to be a good fit for you.

working phase

Once the relationship is built you move into the intervention phase or “working phase” of therapy. Where you try different approaches and techniques in sessions and then you practice those outside of the therapy room. Then when you return to session we look at whether it did or didn't work in the “real” world. If it did work we do more of that, if it didn't work we tweak it or explore why it didn't work, or try a different intervention. Back to why the feedback informed treatment is important! Giving your therapist feedback is essential and supports the collaborative approach.

This is because this allows you and the therapist to move in a different direction if needed, maybe you feel something is missing in the sessions, maybe you don't feel like you are moving towards your goals, or you don't like the approach. Again, having a good relationship with your therapist is key. Feeling safe with your therapist to give them this feedback will not only allow you to grow but also the therapeutic relationship. Once we find out what works, you are reaching your goals, and finding relief, and making progress.

Termination

Once you have reached your goals it's time to discuss termination. This can be done a few different ways. By decreasing the frequency of sessions from weekly, to every other month, to 1 time a month. This allows you to practice your learned skills and ease out of therapy. Also during this time, you are creating plans with your therapist on how to sustain the growth you have made, and what to look for if you need to re-enter therapy, begin to struggle again, or maybe come in for a “few” booster sessions to have some support and remind you of your skills and what worked before.

how i view the role of the therapist

The role of the therapist is dependent on the therapists theoretical background and training. I see my role as supportive and a guide. I am not here to tell you what to do or give you advice. That's what parents and everyone else in our lives already do. I am here to help you consider all of your options, see situations from a new perspective, and a new way of viewing problems to find solutions.

All in all

When you are thinking about starting therapy it's important to get along with your therapist and that you feel they are a good fit for you. If over time you aren't feeling connected with your therapist have a conversation with them about it and see if that helps and if not look for another therapist. Similar with any service provider if you don't like your dentist you are probably not going to go back and find one better suited to meet your needs.

Alison is the owner of Hartman Therapy in Colorado. She offers therapy to women and teen girls helping them find relief, hope, and purpose in their lives. Alison has been working with adolescents, families, and adults for the past 7 years helping to build healthy resilient families. She specializes in perinatal mental health and teen girl depression and anxiety. Reach out today to learn more.

Pregnancy Loss and the Grief that Follows

As a child I always wanted to be a mom. I loved playing house with my cousins and setting up my baby dolls and my double baby doll stroller, so when I had 2 miscarriages in my 20s I was devastated at the possibility I would never have children. 

Pregnancy loss isn’t talked about much, and it wasn’t until after I had my miscarriages and talking to other women I knew who had miscarriages and went on to have healthy babies. 

With pregnancy loss, being a taboo subject at times, we end up hiding the fact that we are grieving. Also, a lot of miscarriages happen during the first trimester and that can be before you have told family or friends you are expecting, so the grieving can happen in silence and make us feel even more alone. We move in and out of the grieving process and there is no right or wrong way to process our grief. 

There are what is considered the 5 stages of grief

1. Denial and Isolation

   You may experience disbelief and still “feel” pregnant. Denial is our human way of rationalizing our overwhelming emotions. We are in “shock” essentially. You may find yourself isolating more from others, the pain can be too intense to want to be around other people. Sometimes people don’t know what to say to provide comfort or they feel they need to say something to help you feel better, when in reality we want their support and know they are there for us, sometimes without words. We all deal with grief in different ways and sometimes people unintentionally say hurtful things when we are in grief.
   

2. Anger

   We are left wondering why did this happen or why did this happen to me? Possibly wondering if you can ever have children which adds a whole other layer to your grief. Maybe you feel angry or resentful when you see other pregnant women or women with newborns wishing that was you. Some have feelings of being angry with God and thinking why would He ever allow this to happen. For some, loss will strengthen their relationship with God, or people will break away. Maybe, you are angry at yourself, thinking you could have done something differently, when in reality this was out of your control. 
   

3. Bargaining

   As mentioned above, this is out of our control and to feel some sense of control in our life we will use bargaining as a way to try and feel better. Sometimes people bargain with God. This is where guilt can come in and try to take over. Making us think we could have done something differently. Maybe I should have rested more, eaten better, etc. 
   

4. Depression

   This stage comes with sadness, regret, crying, isolation, and irritability. This is a period of time where we need good support and we welcome it. It can feel normalizing and validating to hear other’s stories of loss or feel good just to get a hug.
   

5. Acceptance

   We are on our way to healing now, this doesn’t mean you forget the person or the little one growing inside you, it means you feel more calm and peaceful about the loss. Feeling more comforted. Some people never make it this stage or it takes a long time to get to acceptance.

   The grieving process looks different for everyone and there is no right or wrong way to grieve.

   As humans, it is natural for us to move through these stages and in no particular order. When we think we are not angry anymore about it, it pops up again. As mentioned above, there is no particular length of time for us to process our grief, but if you begin to notice you are having trouble with your daily functioning due to your loss that may be an opportunity to seek out professional help. Trouble functioning can look like missing work, sleeping longer than usual, having thoughts to hurt yourself, not eating as much, extreme fatigue, and loss of interest in pleasurable activities. 

   Support and help can look different for everyone, there are support groups for grief and loss, you can look into your local Church for what supports they offer, or you can seek out professional counseling. 

   If you are interested in counseling and want to work through your grief and find healing, I offer individual therapy for those experiencing extended grief related to pregnancy loss. 

   Serving people who reside in Fort Collins, Loveland, and Windsor Colorado. 

   Offering telehealth services to those who reside in Colorado
   
   posted by Alison Hartman, MA, LMFT owner of Hartman Therapy
   

Sleep who needs it…everyone

There is no doubt that getting sleep with a new baby is challenging. After baby number 2 and returning to work there were nights when I got 4 hours of sleep and then worked all day. No surprise then that she finally started sleeping through the night at AGE 2 :) 

Lack of sleep can lead to irritability, trouble focusing, relationship troubles, and can even lead to depression. 

So how do you survive these times with a baby and get your much needed rest here are 3 tips to get you through your day.

Tip #1 Sleep when baby sleeps

Easier said than done right? And probably heard this from others, but it definitely helps. When baby naps during the day you nap. The dishes, laundry, and other household chores can wait, believe me it can. Getting that sleep is vital to your self care. Take advantage of this time with baby and get that rest before you know it they'll be running around the house.

Tip #2 Ask for help

This one I struggle with the most, but important. There is no reason why you must try and do it all on your own. Ask your partner to spend time with baby to so you can sleep, invite a friend over, or family member to help you with baby as well. Take advantage of the offers to help people are giving you, overcome any stubbornness, and say YES! To the help!

Tip #3 Mindset change

Letting down your expectations that baby should be sleeping more, so you can sleep more, let go of expecting to feel completely rested and caught up all the time.   Let go of being angry that you don't have time for yourself to even sleep. Having a positive mindset and the expectation that right now, during this transition it is going to be hard, but it is doable. You won't get the best sleep, but this time will pass. You are tired a lot, but this won't be forever. Telling yourself these positive self statements will help you to have a more positive outlook.  You can do this and remember you don't have to do it alone.

Lastly...

If you begin to notice that even with sleep you are continuing to struggle don't stay silent reach out for help. Whether that's family, friends, or your faith community. Getting support from others is OKAY. There is a reason why the saying exists "it takes a village to raise a child". Therapy could also be a solution to overcome these struggles. 

Make the call today to find relief. 

Proving counseling services in Northern Colorado