What we don’t talk about when we become a mama

Loss of Self and Expectations

Bringing home baby is an exciting joyful time and after having my two girls filled with memories I will cherish forever.

I'm here to talk with you today about what people don't really talk about after having a baby. Things considered even taboo…

Loss of Self

There are many losses that we experience after having a baby. We are going through a major life transition and with this comes adapting and growing. Being aware of potential conflicting feelings will help you recognize what is normal and when is it time to reach out for help.

This is not an exhaustive list

Women experience these in different ways

Predictability               Confidence

Calmness                      Self-esteem

Spontaneity                 Freedom

Friends                          Your previous body

Career                            Recreation time

Sleep                              Privacy

Finances                       Intimacy                     

Alone time                   Sexuality

Your former self          Couple time

Self-identity                  Body image

Adult conversation

Postpartum comes with so many feelings to navigate, it can feel overwhelming and distressing at times.

Expectations

Along with navigating this life transition through motherhood. Sometimes we can have expectations for how we “think” things should go or how they should be. 

These include…

“Storybook birth and motherhood experience”. Myth of the “Perfect Mother”

I know for me I dreamed of being a mom since I was a young child and loved playing house and with my dolls. But sometimes we can build up what this perfect motherhood experience is going to be like and in real life this is not the case. Our dreams of motherhood don't account for sleepless nights, overflowing diapers, crying babies, lots of feedings, fatigue, and did I mention lots and lots of diapers. Being a perfect mother does not exist. We do our best and what is best for our family.

Culturally have been taught as a mom-

“We should be able to do it all, never letting anyone see us complain or ask for help”

Social pressures, comparing ourselves to others, and shaming contests can lead us to feeling like a failure and that we aren't good enough. Social media is an area where it's good to take a break from. Remembering most of the time people are showing us their best selves and happiest moments, they aren't showing you their struggles and all the “behind the scenes”. Studies show that apps like Facebook can cause depression.

Fear of judgment

This fear can be debilitating and increase the shame we may feel. This fear that people are going to find us out that we aren't a “good mom”. There are so many pressures we can feel from family, friends, and society that the thought of sharing a different experience is too much. 

It's important to share our stories, value ourselves, and remember our strengths. Recognizing small positives and that this time will pass. 

Most women experience ambivalence and uncertainty when it comes to motherhood. It's normal to fluctuate between sadness, happiness, and anxiety. And some of us may feel very strong emotions that we may not have expected. 

If you feel like everything you are trying is not helping you feel better. Reach out for professional support to learn ways to balance life with new baby and bring joy back into your life. 

with care,

alison 

Reference: Karen Kleiman(2017). The Art of Holding: An Essential Intervention for Postpartum Depression and Anxiety. New York: Routledge.

5 Myths of Mental Illness

This week I’m talking to you about the 5 myths of mental illness to shed some light on thought processes that may get in the way of someone seeking help.

Myth #1 “There's no cure and no recovery”

Sometimes the thought is “okay this must be the way I will always feel”, “this is just what being a mom is like”, “I must be the only one that feels this way”. These thoughts can lead us to feel hopeless, helpless, and alone. Or All or Nothing thinking “if I have depression I will always have depression”, “if I have anxiety I will always have anxiety.” The fact is 80% of women with postpartum depression can successfully heal and overcome their depression. The way towards healing looks different for everyone, but it is possible to overcome. You are worth it

Myth #2 “I’m crazy”

Sometimes the thought is that if I am reaching out for help because I am depressed, having suicidal thoughts, or anxious, that I must be crazy. Or “if I reach out for help or go to the emergency room, they will lock me up, confirming I am crazy”. But the fact is 1 in 5 adults suffer from a mental health condition. You can read my previous blog post on Your Mental Health Matters This means thousands of people go through their day with mental health struggles and this does not mean thousands of people are “crazy”. What it does mean is we are humans, with life struggles and experiences that cause us distress. It is okay to reach out for help, this will allow others to help you, and for you to have a chance at feeling better. Reduce the stigma.

Myth #3 “It’s expensive”

People don’t always prioritize their mental health due to the costs associated with it and will push it aside, until it becomes too distressing and unmanageable. Although research shows that there is evidence that preventive interventions are effective. But, think about this, if someone is sick, they will go to the doctor. For prevention, we are encouraged to go to a yearly check up. If someone has a toothache they will go to the dentist. The standard care is to go to the dentist 2 times a year for cleanings and a check up. But, if someone is struggling with their mental health, it takes on average 11 years before that person will seek professional help. We value healthcare in our country, but our mental health care is not valued as it should be. If you consider the costs of your relationships, getting through your day, meeting your goals, feeling content, and happier versus staying in distress and unhappy, then I think the costs of not getting help are great. If you weigh the costs and benefits from therapy, overall it is worth the investment of your time, when it will help you feel better and learn ways to manage how you feel in challenging situations. Don’t wait and continue to suffer thinking it will go away on its own. 

Myth #4 “Can’t I just take a pill”

Sometimes the thought is that you can just take a medication and you will feel better. But the issue with this thinking is that yes, taking a medication to help ease the symptoms of your depression or anxiety can be helpful, it is not going to completely take away all your symptoms. People can make progress without the use of medications through psychotherapy as well. Research shows that the combination of medication management with counseling can have positive results. The decision to take medications can be decided with a psychiatrist or your primary care doctor, but I would recommend psychotherapy as well. Pregnant and women who are breastfeeding tend to be more cautious about medications and this is what makes therapy a great option. Discussions with your doctor and therapist will determine the best treatment approach to meet your needs. 

Myth #5 “I am my diagnosis”

Sometimes people self identify with their mental health diagnosis to the point of being a hindrance to their progress. This goes along with what I referred to earlier in Myth #1, that if someone has been diagnosed with depression they will always have or suffer from depression. Yes, you have a risk factor that would make you more susceptible for having another depressive episode, but not a guarantee. I think by telling ourselves that you have this diagnosis and it will forever be this way, this can lead to feelings of hopelessness and helplessness that no matter what you do or try, things will not get better or you won’t feel better, or it can be used as an excuse for our behavior for how we might treat others in our life. I see a diagnosis as a way to help guide treatment, define goals our for therapy, and allow treatment to stay focused. Your diagnosis doesn’t have to define you.

If you or a loved one are struggling and need additional support, please seek out care. 

I specialize in working with women who are looking for postpartum depression treatment helping them find joy, relief, and balance in their lives with new baby.

Reach out today and get the help you need for a happier, healthier you

With care,

Alison

Your Mental Health Matters

This week I wanted to touch on why our mental health is important and shed some light on how many of us are affected by mental health issues and its residual effects.

What is mental health?

It’s your psychological well being impacted by how you think, feel, and respond to situations in your life. Mental health has not always been a priority in our country and we are seeing it’s effects on our communities. People are more likely to focus on their physical health, go to the dentist regularly, go to their primary care etc. but are less likely to seek help and support for their mental health. But when we don’t take care of our mental health this can have an impact on our relationships, physical health, and how we perceive the world around us. 

For example, stress, when not dealt with can lead to health high blood pressure, heart disease, obesity, and diabetes. 

Not addressing your mental health can affect your physical health. It’s all interconnected.

Can your mental health change over time?

The answer is YES! I think the misconception is “I have depression so that means I will always have depression”, but that’s not necessarily true. I think that mindset can lead us to feeling hopeless and that it is out of our control to feel better and think differently about things. People can overcome their depression or anxiety etc. it’s also possible to learn ways and strategies to prevent future episodes or decrease the intensity of the episode. 

Now length of time for making progress is different for everyone and that is okay as each of our experiences and life circumstances are unique to us so our journey towards healing will not always look the same as someone else’s. 

Here are some interesting and thought provoking facts on mental health in the United States

• Mental health problems are very common

• 1 in 5 adults with mental health issues.

• 1 in 10 young people experience episode of depression

• 1 in 25 with severe and persistent mental illness schizophrenia, bipolar, or major depression

• Suicide 10th leading cause of death in the US; more than double the lives lost to homicide

• 1 in 6 youth between 6-17 experience mental health disorder each year

• 43.3 % of adults with mental illness received treatment 2018

• 50.6% of youth with mental health disorder received treatment in 2016

Average delay between onset of mental illness and treatment is 11 years

This statistic really stands out to me about how long people will wait before seeking professional help...not weeks or months...YEARS

• People with depression have a 40% higher chance of developing cardiovascular and metabolic diseases. 

• 19.3% of adults with mental illness also experienced a substance use disorder

• High school students with significant depression are more than 2x as likely to dropout of school compared to their peers

• Suicide 2nd leading cause of death in those aged 10-34

• Overall suicide rate increased by 31% since 2001

• 46% of those who died by suicide were diagnosed with a mental health condition

• Percentage of those with severe thoughts of suicide annually 4.3% of all adults; 11% of young adults 18-25; 17.2% of high school students

A couple world statistics

Depression is leading cause of disability worldwide

Depression and anxiety cost the world economy 1 trillion in lost productivity each year

source

https://www.nami.org/learn-more/mental-health-by-the-numbers

The impact is real

If you or a loved one are struggling and need additional support, please seek out care. 

I specialize in working with women who are looking for postpartum depression treatment helping them find joy, relief, and balance in their lives.

For a happier, healthier you send me a message on my contacts page to get started today!

with care,

alison

Secrets to a Happy 2020

I bought my new planner the other week, which I look forward to every year. I always geeked out on school supplies growing up, but since I am not in school anymore, I don’t get to do an annual office supply run, but I can get my yearly planner :) 

Finding the “right” planner for you

This has been a struggle for years for me. Do you have this same problem? Well, over the past couple of years I have settled on the Happy Planner (I get no affiliate marketing for this, but I wanted to give a shoutout to this planner.)

I love it for so many reasons!

1. There are so many cover and page options, with gorgeous choices. I love anything floral, so I get my floral fix. Of course, they have other options if floral is not your thing :) 

2. Each month has a place for monthly goals, notes, and important dates and usually a motivational quote which I find to be a helpful reminder. 

3. The weekly review is great and they have a few different options to meet different needs. The one I got this year I love because it has a weekly meal plan area, errands to run for the week, and a “things to buy” area. 

4. I also enjoy that there are multiple inserts and stickers you can get to go along with the planner. I just got the budget insert and I am hoping this is helpful for me as my goal this year is better money management. 

Not beating yourself up

I was going through my 2019 planner to write down anything important I needed to carry over for the new year. I became discouraged when I looked at my monthly goals from the beginning of last year and some of them were never accomplished or were not met until the fall. I just continued to push back my goals, afraid of taking action, and really what I realized is when I look back, I was afraid of failing. My initial thoughts were to give myself a hard time for not meeting my goals and telling myself I was a failure. But, after some reflection, I started to think about all the positives from 2019 and the goals I did accomplish, really trying to not let the negative self-talk get the best of me. 

Focusing on the positive

Giving myself grace was key.  I started my practice, I changed jobs to have more time with my family and kids (getting to spend 4 days a week with them has been wonderful, especially over the summer), and moving to a location we love. 

Looking ahead for 2020

As mentioned above, I do want to focus more on money management and build my savings. I am considering resources from Dave Ramsey to help get my personal finances in order. I also want to put myself out there more on social media, build on in person connections, and not let anxious thoughts get in the way of taking action. 

These are my goals for this year. What are yours?

We are all human and have successes and sometimes failures. Life has its natural ebbs and flows. We don’t have to go through this journey alone. 

If one of your goals was focusing on your self-care. You can read that post here Creating your self care plan

If you feel your anxiety is getting in the way of your daily living and feel overwhelmed by work, family, household, kids, etc. have you considered counseling?

Call 970-795-2100 or send me a message contact for your free consult to start feeling better and find joy again. 

Much care,

Alison 

Importance of screening moms for postpartum depression during pediatric visits

When screening reveals risk...

1 in 7 Women suffer from Perinatal Depression and Anxiety

• Communicate the depression is treatable

• Demystify and validate

• Provide supportive resources (community and family)

• Refer and follow up with mother after referral is made (decreases depression)

Brief Intervention

1. Promote strength of mother-infant relationship

2. Encourage and reassure any concerns about breastfeeding

3. Promote responding to infant cues

4. Encourage reading and talking to infant

5. Encourage routines for predictability, security, sleep, diet, exercise, and stress relief

6. Promote realistic expectations

7. Encourage social connections

Recommended screening of mother at 1, 2, 4, & 6 months postpartum

Screen father at 6 months 

Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale (EPDS) screening is validated for men and women

Purpose of referral is to clarify diagnosis and offer indicated treatment. Help to facilitate referral for mother. 

Screening for PMAD is a benefit to infant, mother-infant dyad, and family system as a whole. 

If you, a loved one, or friend is postpartum and not being screened ask your doctor about this.
If you think you may be struggling with depression reach out today by phone 970-795-2100 or email me alison@hartmantherapyco.com to learn more about ways to feel better.

Alison is the owner of Hartman Therapy in Colorado. She offers online counseling helping tired, overwhelmed moms, sad teens, and frustrated parents. Alison has been working with adolescents, families, and adults for the past 7 years helping to build healthy, resilient families. She specializes in perinatal mental health and teen girl depression and anxiety.