Navigating the Holidays: Managing Stress and Cultivating Joy

Embracing Boundaries for a Balanced Celebration

As the holiday season approaches, it's essential to recognize the potential stressors that may accompany the festivities. Setting healthy boundaries is crucial for maintaining your mental well-being. As a therapist, I often encourage my clients to establish clear limits on commitments, both social and professional. Consider what is realistically manageable within your schedule and communicate these boundaries to friends and family. This way, you can engage in the celebrations without overwhelming yourself, creating space for meaningful connections and moments of joy.

Practicing Mindfulness in the Present Moment

Amidst the hustle and bustle of holiday preparations, it's easy to become entangled in the web of stress and lose sight of the present moment. Mindfulness, the practice of being fully present and aware, can be a powerful tool to anchor yourself during this season. Allocate time for mindfulness exercises, such as deep breathing, meditation, or a mindful walk. These practices can help ground you, reduce anxiety, and foster an appreciation for the simple joys that surround you. By focusing on the present, you can create a more positive and fulfilling holiday experience.

Fostering Connection and Gratitude

The holidays are an opportune time to strengthen connections and foster gratitude. Instead of fixating on the material aspects of the season, invest energy in meaningful interactions with loved ones. Engage in activities that promote bonding, such as shared meals, games, or even volunteering together. Cultivating gratitude by reflecting on the positive aspects of your life can also shift your perspective and enhance your overall well-being. Taking a moment each day to acknowledge and appreciate the blessings in your life can contribute to a more joyous and fulfilling holiday experience.

Seeking Additional Support

If holiday stress becomes overwhelming and begins to impact your mental health, don't hesitate to seek additional support. Therapists, counselors, and support groups are valuable resources that can provide guidance and a safe space to explore and address your emotions. Remember that asking for help is a sign of strength, and there is no shame in prioritizing your mental well-being. Additionally, reaching out to friends or family members can offer a supportive network during challenging times. The holiday season is meant to be a time of joy and connection, and seeking help when needed ensures that you can fully embrace and enjoy the spirit of the season.

with care,

Alison

Alison is the owner of Hartman Therapy in Colorado and Texas. She offers therapy to women and teen girls helping them find relief, hope, and purpose in their lives. Alison has been working with adolescents, families, and adults for the past 11 years helping to build healthy resilient families. She specializes in perinatal mental health and teen girl depression and anxiety. Reach out today to learn more. 

Best Tip Ever: Self-regulation

Where it all started…

I took a play therapy training in 2014 by Lisa Dion, from Boulder Colorado. She started the Synergetic Play Therapy™ Institute. She went over what regulation is and how our bodies naturally respond to challenges or situations. 

When we feel like we don’t have control over our emotions, regulating our bodies is a nice place to start in gaining control of how we feel. Our bodies are a good indicator for how we are feeling even before we may be able to name the emotion. For instance, I tend to hold a lot of tension in my shoulders and jaw and sometimes it takes me realizing I have tension in my body before the lightbulb goes on and tells me “you are stressed”. 

Let’s start with how our bodies respond to situations or challenges and then we will discuss what to do to regulate our bodies.

Nervous System Regulation and Dysregulation

“All symptoms of dysregulation arise out of the misperceptions of the events in our lives. When we change our perceptions, we change the symptoms in our nervous system. It is wise to master of how to change our perceptions and how to manage the symptoms that arise in our bodies to help return us to a more regulated state”

~Lisa Dion, LPC, RPT-S

Your nervous system works in 3 ways

• Regulated nervous system (Mindfulness/Attached to self)

Ability to think logically and clearly

Display a wide range of emotional expression

Feeling “grounded”

Able to notice breath

Stable sleep cycles

Awareness of mind and body

Able to communicate clearly

Able to make eye contact

Able to make conscious choices

• Hypo-Arousal Symptoms (Freeze/fall asleep)

Helplessness

Inability to set boundaries

Tired

Non-expressive

Numbing

Lack of motivation

Lethargic

Emotional Constriction

Isolation/Depression

Suicidal/Dissociation

Dulled capacity to feel significant events

• Hyper-Arousal Symptoms (Fight/Flight)

Increased heart rate

“Pounding” sensation in the head

Overwhelmed/disorganized

Habitual defensiveness

Aggression

Hyper-alert

Hyper-vigilance

Excessive motor activity

Uncontrolled rage

High irritability

Overwhelms others

Anxious

All 3 states of the nervous system represent health. The idea is if you notice yourself go into hypo or hyper arousal then you do activities to re-regulate your body to get back to your baseline. 

We all participate in regulating activities without even consciously knowing it. I like to call these our natural coping skills. 

Below is a list of regulating activities (this is not a comprehensive list)

• Bounce on a yoga ball

• Drink through a straw

• Eat crunchy snacks

• Massages

• Deep pressure on arms and legs (slowly apply pressure down arms and legs)

• Take a bath or a shower

• Wrap up in a blanket

• Sing

• Classical music if hyper aroused

• Rock or fast paced music if hypo aroused

• Carry or push heavy objects around

• Isometrics (push hands together or wall pushups)

• Walk quickly

• Doodle

• Fidget with ball or play dough

• Put a cold or hot towel on face

• Dim lights if hyper aroused or increase light if hypo aroused

• Read a book

• Yoga

• Move, move, move your body

• Name what is happening in your body (my stomach hurts, my jaw feels tight)

• Breathe-deep breath in count to 4, hold for 4, breathe out count to 4

Maybe as you read through the list you noticed ones you already do. My daughter a few months ago told me, “mom, I don’t know what it is about drinking through a straw. Maybe it’s how my lips move in and out, but it is so soothing and relaxing”. My instant thought to myself was, “That’s a way your body is regulating itself”.

Another example is I notice that if I eat some pretzels or carrots when I am feeling anxious or pressured during the day I can instantly feel my jaw loosening and I can feel my whole body slow down. 

Observe which ones you typically do and try a couple new ones and see what fits for you. Paying attention to how you feel before and after the activity. The idea is to practice these when you are not only dys-regulated, but when you feel regulated as well. To help decrease the length and intensity of being dys-regulated.

With care,

Alison

Alison is a postpartum therapist in Northern Colorado. She offers online counseling helping tired, overwhelmed moms, sad teens, and frustrated parents. Alison has been working with adolescents, families, and adults for the past 12 years helping to build healthy, resilient families. She specializes in perinatal mental health and teen girl depression and anxiety. 

List of Books on Postpartum

I remember when I was pregnant, I probably read about 10 books on pregnancy and having a newborn. And after I had my first child I remember so many things happening with my body and emotions postpartum, that I said “why don't they write books on this experience?” I felt unprepared as my body recovered from giving birth, navigating my body image, emotions, and questioning if I could do this “mom thing”.

Below is a list of books for the fourth trimester and overcoming postpartum depression. These are not affiliate links.

Books on navigating the postpartum period-the 4th trimester

The Fourth Trimester: A Postpartum Guide to Healing Your Body, Balancing Your Emotions, and Restoring Your Vitality by Kimberly Ann Johnson

The Fourth Trimester Cards: Daily Support, Inspiration, and Wisdom for New Mothers Cards by Kimberly Ann Johnson

Therapy and the Postpartum Woman: Notes on Healing Postpartum Depression for Clinicians and the Women Who Seek their Help by Karen Kleiman

This Isn't What I Expected [2nd edition]: Overcoming Postpartum Depression by Karen R. Kleiman

What Am I Thinking: Having a Baby After Postpartum Depression by Karen Kleiman

Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts: A Healing Guide to the Secret Fears of New Mothers by Karen Kleiman

Books on healing and overcoming postpartum depression

Heal Your Birth Story: ...releasing the unexpected by Maureen Campion

The Mother-to-Mother Postpartum Depression Support Book: Real Stories from Women Who Lived Through It and Recovered by Sandra Poulin

Down Came the Rain by Brooke Shields

Transformed by Postpartum Depression: Women's Stories of Trauma and Growth by Walker Karraa

Birth Trauma: A Guide for You, Your Friends and Family to Coping with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Following Birth by Kim Thomas

This is definitely not an exhaustive list, but I am a reader and I like to have options for books that can be informative for what you, a friend, or family member might be experiencing. I think hearing other women's stories about their experience with motherhood can be really powerful and validating. Letting you know you are not alone in what you make experiencing and there is hope in feeling yourself again.

with care,

Alison

Alison is a postpartum depression therapist. She offers online therapy to women and teen girls helping them find relief, hope, and purpose in their lives. Alison has been working with adolescents, families, and adults for the past 12 years helping to build healthy resilient families. She specializes in perinatal mental health and teen girl depression and anxiety. Reach out today to learn more 970-795-2100

A Look at Anxiety & Depression in Working and Nonworking Moms

Whether you are a working mom or not, our daily life experience impacts our well being. There are many complex differences in mothers across social, cultural, and religious variability. 

Stay at home or go to work

This is typically an individual decision based on a number of factors 1 or 2 income household, career desire, financial needs, age of children in the home, work availability, support of partner, passion for work and health, etc. 

Everyone’s choice in this is different. From the age of young adulthood I knew I always wanted to be a “working mom”. I remember when I entered my career, some women I knew had a baby and decided not to return to work. I realized as my children got older, mind you they are (3 and 7 now), I have had this big desire to spend more time with them and less time working. With my youngest, I have had the opportunity to spend more quality time with her during the day due to my current work schedule over the past year and I have loved every moment of it. I feel like I missed some of that time with my older daughter. My personal goal is to continue working because I enjoy the work I do and helping others, but also having a balance of life and work, by working less and spending more time with my family. 

There was a comparative study conducted of working and nonworking moms in India, the findings still translate to American culture and ideals. The study included 60 mothers- 30 working and 30 nonworking.

Let’s take a look at their findings…

Benefits of nonworking mom

Having abundant time with the family, can attend to children’s needs, and time for caring for the household. 

Benefits of working moms

Having the ability to follow their passions, intellectual stimulation, experience handling diverse situations and challenges, increase in self-esteem and self-confidence. 

Considerations for Nonworking moms

• Stressor lack of social life

• When children enter school age may experience “empty nest”

Considerations for Working moms

• Increased stress due to maintaining traditional roles at home with the combination of housework and their career role

• ¾ of mothers in work force and 60% of those have young children in the home

• Working during the day and coming home to care for family and home, along with spending time with their spouse. 

• Pressures of work can affect attitude and behavior within the family

• Prolonged stress can negatively impact physical and psychological well-being

• Stress related to not having enough time to do everything

• 91% of working moms reports “some” depressive symptoms

Statistically higher anxiety states in working moms

Thought is that there may be increase in anxiety related to feelings of inadequacy and increased levels of guilt and anxiety about their multiple roles (work overload)

Significant difference in depression in working moms

Possibly due to guilt over not enough time for family and children. Difficulty in balancing a job and household, increasing symptoms of depression. 

I can definitely relate to their findings of working moms. Trying to balance household, work, spending time with my husband and children. It is a constant “balancing act”. Being present with my family and vice versa of being present while working. Making time for self care and watching for signs of burnout. 

All in all, there are benefits and considerations for both working and nonworking moms. It really comes down to personal choice and family situation, along with a personal passion for working. 

But I think it is important to recognize the significant difference in anxiety and depression for working moms versus non working moms. 

If you are a working mom, here are some tips to decrease your stress

• Have a good support network

• friends and family to connect with

• practice self-care regularly (carve out time in your day to recharge and reset, even if it is 10-15 minutes) it will make a difference in your mindset and positively impact your well being, especially if done consistently, 

• communicate your needs with your spouse or partner, and

•  giving yourself permission to let things go, 

• prioritizing what needs to be done, 

• identifying what your values are and asking yourself if you are following them 

If your stress is negatively impacting your well being and you are noticing its effects in your home and work life, maybe consider professional help. Due to our current societal climate today there are added stressors of the pandemic of navigating work from home, remote learning, struggling economy, loss of our “normal” life, and routine, and anxiety of the unknown and what lies ahead. 

I work with moms helping them find balance, be present with their families, and find contentment and joy in their daily life. 

Reach out today if you would like to learn more about the services I provide and if we would be a good fit. I would love to chat! 

I provide telehealth counseling throughout the state of Colorado. You can call or email me. Visit my about page to learn more about why I do what I do.

with care,

alison

Reference:  Adhikari, Harasanker (2012). Anxiety & Depression: A Comparative Study between Working and Nonworking Mothers. Global Journal of Human Social Science: Global Journals inc., 12.

Giving Birth during the Pandemic and What to Expect

I heard this information today and I wanted to share it with you. Giving birth, especially the first time can be stressful because you don’t 100% know what to expect or how your body and baby are going to respond when labor begins. This is also true with subsequent births because no birth experience is the same. 

But, right now in light of world events, giving birth in a hospital or birth center looks different. There are added precautions and PPE policies in place. Along with, the limited number of visitors you can have present. 

Every hospital and birth center is different, but I think it is important to make informed decisions about you and your baby's care and to make an informed decision we must have information. 

What to Expect

1. They may test you and you husband, spouse, birth coach, etc. for COVID-19. If you happen to test positive whether symptomatic or not, you will be separated from your baby after giving birth for possibly up to 10 days and it will be recommended to you that you do not breastfeed your baby due to the potential risk of exposure to your baby. 

2. If your spouse, significant other, or your 1 visitor you are allowed, tests positive for COVID-19 they are asked to leave. Therefore, you give birth alone. 

I have so many feelings about this right now. I am still working through all my thoughts.

This would be a traumatic experience. 

1. Being separated from your baby

2. Giving birth alone

3. Not breastfeeding your baby like you hoped you would. 

Now I understand if the mother or support person is symptomatic to have advanced precautions, but not allowing you to be with your baby or breastfeed when you are asymptomatic is distressing to me. I say this because this makes me sad to think about being separated from your baby or not having any visitors to help support you during this time. 

Research

Unfortunately, there is not enough evidence to support either decision, to separate or not or breastfeed or not. We don’t know enough about this virus to make this determination. Typically, if someone has influenza they are still able to breastfeed, but there are so many unknowns with COVID-19 that there is no way to make a hard and fast rule. And we do know, there is support for babies to get antibodies through breastfeeding and this helps support the immune system. 

So… what to do with this information.

1. If your support person tests positive: if you can, have a “back-up” person available to be your 1 visitor. 

2. It is within your rights to decline the separation of your baby and you can advocate breastfeeding your baby. 

• They may have options to have your baby in the room, just 6 feet away. 

• Or if you do decide to breastfeed wearing PPE and use good hand hygiene. 

1. You can follow the hospital, doctor, or birth center recommendations for separation and not to breastfeed. To protect your baby potentially from COVID-19. 

2. Discuss with your provider and the hospital or birth center what their policies or procedures are specific to their facility. Their recommendations for care and what all your options would be. This way you don’t go into it blindsided, while already stressed and have to make a decision you were not prepared for. 

3. Be flexible with your birth plan. Births do not always go as expected so it would be beneficial to have some flexibility in what labor and the birth will look like

There is no judgement or right or wrong answers to whatever you decide. 

My youngest was born 3 years ago and I can’t imagine what it would be like being pregnant or giving birth during this time. I’m praying for all the moms and families right now in these situations. 

With care, 

Alison

Alison is a postpartum Therapist in the state of Colorado. She specializes in maternal mental health, specifically perinatal mood and anxiety disorders. Reach out if you or a loved one are needing additional support or counseling during this time by calling 970-795-2100