Motherhood is often described as one of life’s most beautiful journeys—but what happens when that journey looks nothing like you imagined it would be? Maybe your birth plan wasn’t followed in any way you expected, breastfeeding didn’t come easily, or your baby’s temperament isn’t what you expected. Perhaps you’re grieving the version of being a mom you thought you’d be and wondering why it feels so hard.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many moms experience a disconnect between the expectations of motherhood and the reality that comes. Learning how to cope when motherhood doesn’t go as planned is an important part of healing healing process and the way to find peace on this motherhood journey.
The Myth of the “Perfect” Motherhood Experience
Before your baby arrived, you might have pictured soft snuggles, quiet moments, and a deep sense of joy. But for many moms, those early weeks and months are filled with exhaustion, anxiety, guilt, and even grief.
Social media, cultural messages, and even well-meaning friends can create unrealistic ideas about what motherhood “should” look like. When reality doesn’t match up—whether because of birth trauma, feeding challenges, postpartum depression, or simply the overwhelming adjustment—it can leave you feeling like you’re failing.
But here’s the truth: there is no single “right” way to experience motherhood. Every mom’s story is unique. Struggling doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong; it means you’re human.
Allowing Space for Grief and Acceptance
When things don’t go as planned, it’s natural to feel sadness, anger, or disappointment. Many moms feel guilty for grieving their expectations—especially when they “should” be happy. But giving yourself permission to grieve is one of the most healing steps you can take.
It’s okay to mourn the birth you hoped for, the breastfeeding journey you envisioned, or the version of yourself you thought you’d be as a mom. Processing those feelings doesn’t mean you love your baby any less—it means you’re acknowledging all your feelings and this challenging time.
Acceptance doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a gradual process of releasing “shoulds” and finding peace with “what is.” Therapy, journaling, or simply talking with other moms who “get it” can help you navigate this process with compassion and perspective.
Here are some Practical Ways to Cope When Motherhood Doesn’t Go as Planned
Name what feels hard.
Identifying specific disappointments—like a difficult recovery, struggles with bonding, or unexpected anxiety—helps you understand what’s really hurting instead of feeling consumed by general overwhelm.Challenge comparison.
Every baby and every mom has a different story. Comparing your journey to someone else’s (especially filtered social media versions) only deepens feelings of inadequacy. Remind yourself: your story is enough.Lean on support.
Reach out to trusted friends, family, or a therapist specializing in maternal mental health. Talking about what you’re experiencing can lessen the isolation and shame that often accompany postpartum struggles.Prioritize rest and nourishment.
Healing and coping are harder when you’re running on empty. Ask for help with meals, chores, or nighttime feedings when possible. Small moments of rest really do matter and can make a difference.Reframe your story.
Sometimes the most meaningful growth comes from the moments that didn’t go “according to plan.” You can still write a beautiful story of strength, love, and resilience—even if it looks different from what you expected.
You Are Still a Good Mom
When motherhood doesn’t go as planned, it can shake your confidence and sense of identity. You might question your abilities or worry that you’re not doing enough. But the fact that you care, reflect, and keep showing up—even on the hard days—says otherwise.
If you’re struggling to adjust or feeling weighed down by sadness or anxiety, know that support is available. Therapy can be a safe place to process your experiences, rebuild confidence, and rediscover yourself in motherhood.
Final Thoughts
Motherhood is not a perfect journey. It’s messy, unpredictable, and deeply human. Coping with the unexpected takes courage—and you don’t have to do it alone. By allowing space for your feelings, asking for help, and letting go of impossible standards, you can begin to find peace in your own version of motherhood.
If you’re in Texas or Colorado and need support in navigating postpartum emotions or adjusting to life as a new mom, I’d be honored to help. Reach out today to schedule a free consultation and take the next step toward feeling like yourself again.
with care,
Alison
About the Author
Hi, I’m Alison Hartman, LMFT, a licensed therapist in Colorado and Texas, specializing in women’s mental health, especially during pregnancy, postpartum, and the many transitions of motherhood.
With over 12 years of experience, I’ve helped women find relief from anxiety, process birth trauma, work through postpartum depression, and reconnect with themselves in the midst of caring for everyone else. My approach is warm, down-to-earth, and rooted in real-life tools that actually help.
Whether you're a new mom feeling overwhelmed, navigating infertility or loss, or simply looking for support as you adjust to a new season of life, I’m here to help you feel more like you again.
If you're looking for a compassionate, experienced perinatal therapist in Texas or Colorado, I’d love to connect.
Reach out today to learn more or schedule a free consultation.
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